What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
