At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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