I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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