Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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