My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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