My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
