Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
