Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
