Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
