Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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