highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
