Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
