Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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