I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
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Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
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The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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