Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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