Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
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In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
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there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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