the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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