If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We got so high we made milksteak
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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