When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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