She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
