After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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