Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize