i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
