Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
