i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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