I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
