the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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