Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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