No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
