I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
