Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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