Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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