3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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