if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
