It's Friday. Sex?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
