Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
