Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
