Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
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Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I have aggressive nipples.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize