I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
