When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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