i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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