There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
