I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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