Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
