put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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