shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
