i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You made out with two different species that night
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
