somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.