Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage