Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings