What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?