I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
