My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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