he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
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FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
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It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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