Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize