she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
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Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
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You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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