he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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