barbara walters just said penis...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
