Do vagina's smell?
operation have a gay friend backfired
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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