well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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