How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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