She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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