I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize