i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
