I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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