Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize