A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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