I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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